Sometimes it's a dark place to live.

 

 I've been battling some depression lately.  I have been for years, off and on, so it's really nothing new. If you haven't read my story on Police Suicide, I recommend you give it a read.  It's dark, but important.  Depression is a life long battle, and I've come to discover, fairly common.  Especially for guys like me.

     PTSD and the question of the effects of military and emergency service has on mental health has been in the news for returning military personnel, cops, fire department personnel, and veterans lately.

     Unfortunately, I have also seen this, and other "popular" diagnoses slapped on just about anyone in the general population that has ever been exposed to anything that they deem as traumatic.  While I believe that a lot of the cases are valid, in one way or another, I also question the nonchalant way they slap "depression" on anyone who is sad, or "PTSD" for any accident or trauma victim.  With this feeling, I start to wonder if MY issues are valid.  Is what I've been through enough to warrant, or justify, how I feel?

    I have always had a little dark spot in my life.  I used to just express it with anger.  It was the only emotion I really knew how to show.  As a kid, I had a temper.  Still do.  But as I got older, and started to experience life and death, I started to experience different feelings.  I would feel guilt for the lives I couldn't save back when I was an EMT.  I would have nightmares, and dream about the calls I went on. This would continue on when I became a Police Officer.  I would dream about weapon failure, being unable to scream out proper verbal commands in times of stress, and I would dream about the "no-win" scenarios.

    Eventually I would seek help.  It DID help, for a while.  As I start to write this, I am actually sitting in my therapists' parking lot, waiting to be seen.  One of the main problems with mental health is that it's always changing.  Something that may bother me today, may not have even hit my radar any other day.  Even with regular and consistent therapy, and taking my meds, things hit me from the side, and knock me off track.

I'm not alone.

     If you take the time to look around you, there are a lot of workers in Emergency Services that fight this battle.   I share this stuff not for a cry for attention, or a cry for help (anymore), but so that it's out there, and hopefully it gets talked about.  There are a LOT of people like me out here.  We are wearing a badge,  serving our public.  We are your Police, Fire, Emergency Medical personnel, the Dispatchers behind the scenes, and the people that run towards danger, as others run from it.

You're not alone either.

     I had the chance to see Bobby Smith talk a few years back.  If you ever get the opportunity to see him speak, GO!  His story can be found at www.visionsofcourage.com/ .  Pony up a few bucks, and buy the man's book.  He is an excellent guy.  GREAT speaker, and a survivor.

     If you, or someone you know, is struggling with depression, or are in a dark place, talk.  Sometimes that's all you need.

     I have a short list of sites here for you:

911wellness.com      (Dispatchers)

www.codegreencampaign.org    (EMS)

www.ffbha.org  (Suppression/fire fighters)

www.CopShock.com/trauma-support-sources.php.  (Police)


       I'm not affiliated with any of these sites in any way, but I feel the need to share some information with you.  You never know when you, or your partner might need to reach out for help.

       I have read Cop Shock, and Bobby Smith's book.  Both excellent reads.

       Take care of yourselves, and each other.

Stay safe,

Shamus

Lessons learned as a new FTO

Howdy, y'all. 

I've been an FTO (Field Training Officer) for a couple months now and I think I'm learning as much as the rookies I'm training. I thought I'd share a few things I've learned and experienced so far. 

First thing I've learned is that training new officers is way different than just doing the job. I had decided to take more of "coaching" role as a trainer, because that was the method that I learned better from when I was a trainee. Taking this type of role, I believe, has allowed the trainees to be more relaxed, and not so afraid to make mistakes. This has also allowed me to form a better relationship of trust with the trainees while they are learning. It has also allowed me to be more candid in my assessment and critique of their performance. 

The second thing I've learned is that no trainee is the same. Even remotely the same. I have had four different trainees over the past month or so, because I am a secondary FTO, and each one was completely different in their learning style, and knowledge from academy. They are also completely different in their confidence level, and what they perceive as their ability. From recognizing things, to even talking on the radio. I've been careful to try and reenforce what they are strong in, while trying to trying to build their confidence in what they are weak in. 

One of the hardest things for me has been learning to take a back seat, and letting them handle calls in their way, and learning how to become their own officer. I recently found myself rewriting a rookie's report instead of telling him what to change, and letting him do it. It's like trying to teach my son. It's hard to watch your kid fail at something, and I have learned that it is hard to let the rookie fail on their own as well. That is something I am constantly working on. 

So far I have gotten along with each rookie I've trained, and look forward to watching them progress on their training and become police officers. This has breathed a new life into my career, and so far I really enjoy this role as a Field Training Officer. 

I'm sure some funny stories are soon to come, and believe me, I WILL be sharing them. 

Until next time, take care of each other and be safe,

Shamus. 

10-200

Alternate purpose for these things.....

Recently, I was asked what I do if I have to poop while on duty, considering all the stuff I have to wear while in patrol.  At first, I thought it was a funny question, and said, "I just go, man."  Then it hit me.  They were wondering what the hell I did with the gear.  After I was asked by a kid when I was washing my hands after eating a gourmet breakfast of Chick-fil-A (love that place!) the other morning, it got me thinking.  This must be a thing!

Well....... you asked, I'll answer.  Listed here is my approximate routine for taking the Browns to the Super Bowl.

BELT-----

As you see above, my favorite is the baby changing table, if they have one in the larger, sometimes marked Handicapped stall, which is my first choice of stall.  And, yes, that is really my rig.  It is within reach, and up off the floor.  If the stall doesn't have one of those changing tables, I loop and hook the belt around the grab handle in the stall.  This is my preferred method for securing the belt. 

At some of the fire stations, and at the police station, the stalls have a hook on the back of the door.  I use that hook to hang the belt from the hole in the hook side of the belt.  See that hole there?

hole for hanging....

If it is a private bathroom, I put it in the sink, making sure it's not one of those automatic faucets. And as my last resort.....I just loop it closed and place it on the floor in front of me.

SHIRT STAYS-----

What is a shirt stay, you ask?  These stupid straps that keep your shirt tucked in.....

I hate these fuckers........

Well, there is a pair for the front, and a pair for the back.  I unhook the back from my socks, pull them around my chest, and hook them together in front.  keeps my shirt tail from hanging in the toilet.

VEST-----

The vest has these tails, that are supposed to keep your vest from riding up.  looks kind of like this.....

Tails!

Well, the back one gets shoved between the back panel, and my t-shirt, to keep it from dangling.  And trust me...you do NOT want that dangling.

Then you sit, and........you know.

Getting the paperwork done takes practice, since you can't really bend, or twist normally, but you get used to it.  

After the job is done, suit up like normal, and there you have it.  Now, for #1, I'm a dude, so it's business as usual, if you catch my meaning.....

So, there you have it.  A little light-hearted post on a Friday, to answer a question I've been asked a few times by friends......and complete strangers.

If you have a question about how we take care of day-to day activities that you are curious about, respond in the comment section below. I'll answer it in the comments section.   If it has an answer that is post worthy, I'll do a post on it.

Stay safe out there, and enjoy your weekend, when ever it may be......

Shamus.

Mourning Bands

                   

I was asked recently what the black band across my badge was for. I answered the question as cooly and honestly as I could, without judgement or emotion. But that's the problem. It's hard to talk about that little black band without emotion. 

You see, that little black band represents the fallen officer. The ones that never came home at the end of the day. It represents sacrifice, loss, and sadness. It stands for an empty seat at the dinner table, a missing brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, or father. The loss is felt by many. All that emotion, that loss, that sacrifice, represented by a little black elastic band placed around a shiny badge. 

                                          

The badge feels much heavier when the band is fixed around it.   The symbolism that it holds is emotional and heavy. When you wear a badge that has the band on your uniform, it is a constant reminder every time you see it that life is fragile. That you might not make it home at the end of the shift. 

We have almost become numb, as a society, to the loss and sacrifice of our emergency workers.
Police, fire and military personnel have laid their lives down for centuries protecting the lives of the
often ungrateful masses. It has become expected in TV shows and movies to loose the unnamed
patrolman, or soldier for that big climax in action, while we glorify the antagonist in their evil scheme against the almighty hero in the story. But those unnamed heroes leave behind a void. The only time
in stories their identity is even known, or mentioned, is if it moves the story along, and adds conflict in the heroes heart and mind.  I can see this happening in real life, as news reports tell stories of "an officer", or "soldiers" who were hurt or killed in the line of duty. If you are lucky, the local news MIGHT run the story identifying the unsung hero and his sacrifice. 

                 

                                                 



It just so happens to be Police Week this week. Tonight, Wednesday 05-13-15, is the candle light vigil at the memorial. Now, admittingly, I won't be there. One year I hope to attend. This ceremony marks the addition of the names of the fallen officers from 2014 to the memorial wall in D.C.

273 names will be added to the wall this year. 117 from 2014. For the complete list go here:


http://www.nleomf.org/assets/pdfs/fallen-officers-memorial-wall/fallen-officers-pubyear-2015-website-FINAL-4-14-15.pdf


The memorial website is here: www.nloemf.org  If you have some time, check it out. If you live near D.C., visit it once. It's a powerful place.  I've been a few times, and each time is just as powerful as the first.

On the walls, there are 4 inscriptions.  Each of them are inscribed on the four ends of the two long walls containing the names of fallen officers. The inscriptions are on a panel underneath a lion.

"It is not how these officers died that made them heroes, it is how they lived."—Vivian Eney Cross, Survivor "In valor there is hope."—Tacitus "The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are as bold as a lion."—Proverbs 28:1 "Carved on these walls is the story of America, of a continuing quest to preserve both democracy and decency, and to protect a national treasure that we call the American dream."—President George H.W. Bush

These quotes serve to remind us of sacrifice. Of sons and daughters turned into heroes as they make the career choice to serve their public, and don a uniform, pin on a badge, strap on a gun, and enter the profession of law enforcement.


Every day I put my uniform on, I know, buried deep down and shoved away in the corners of my mind, that I might not come home. When you have that black band on, it comes to the front of your mind. This year, I think it's been a little closer to home, as one of our officers in my department was almost a statistic. A name on the wall, and a reason to wear the band.

In John 15 when asked what the greatest commandment was, Jesus replied that the greatest commandment was to love your neighbor. In John 15:13, Jesus states, "Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends".

Not only does an officer lay down his life for his friends, and family, but often, he lays down his life for strangers that he has sworn to protect and serve. His community.



Stay safe out there,

Shamus